4 Months Later...

Man oh man, it's been a hell of a while since I've written in this thing. So four months have passed and you'd think I would've lost weight and feeling all sorts of great? No... It's actually the total opposite of that and I take full complete responsibility for not taking care of myself and following through.
Between school (which I'm doing great at) and working unpredictable overtime at my new job (which eats ass), and trying to get my life in order, taking care of myself has been put on the backburner, which has caused me to be 287 pounds. It's like I know the food I take in and the lack of exercise is causing more bad than good, but lately I have just reached a level where I am honestly ready to give up on my personal battle to lose weight

...well I was.

Until I went to the gym today, did my weightlifting and walked on the treadmill for 30 mins, I was hurting. Normally a workout like that would have me wanting to do more than what I'd already done. Going back to the gym in almost 2 weeks put the picture back into my head: a healthier Keithia. I don't want to be out of breathe from getting up from the couch anymore, I don't want to hope and pray I can get myself into a size 46 pants. I'm so damn tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like I'm not good enough and I'm going to be stuck in this body forever. Though I was still painfully overweight, I wish I still had the body I had 4 years ago, at least I wasn't as sad as I am these days. I cannot give up this battle I've been fighting for 25 years, but I have to give up something...

It may not mean much on here, but I really have to dedicate myself to something real, something I know I am going to struggle with but really push myself to do, because I am running out of options and ideas to save myself from killing myself: I am going to give up fast food for a month. I've never done this before but I believe it is a start to get me away from the grease, the fried foods, the large portions I unconsciously force down because I hate wasting food.

Here's What I Mean By No Fast-Food:

1. Anything with a drive-thru (except Subway)
2. Chinese food is OK, just no Crab Rangoons or Egg Rolls
3. Pizza is OK as well, as long as I'm eating it with someone else
4. If there aren't any side-item substitutes for fries, that's a no-go.
5. (OMG)... NO KFC, Popeyes, Indi's. Grilled and broiled chicken from home is a go.

I'm giving myself these rules because I know if I close myself completely off from Restaurant, I'll crash and go on a binge.

There's one thing that I am trying to figure out about myself and have been trying to figure out for a while now.... What made me get this way? What made me eat all this food that is unnecessary? I just wanna know what the root problem is. I figure if I can get to the root of the problem, the easier it will be to drop this weight. I hope I can figure out what the hell my problem is.

Oh well, off to get ready to see Paranormal Activity II. Happy Halloween Weekend!